2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
