ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
