we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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