Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
