CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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