Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Shame is for Republicans.
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