the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
