the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
