I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
