i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
