ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We had sex on a dog bed..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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