Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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