The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
