You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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