that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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