So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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