OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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