I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
