pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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