Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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