im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
