if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
