The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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