she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
