how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
