my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Let's get the cat blown out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
