im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
