my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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