Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
