We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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