he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
