So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
