Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
this is an emotional support booty call
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