I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
