i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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