just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
