The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
