three words: i give head
three words: not that well
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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