AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
