Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
