well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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