Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
