so let's talk penis.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
