Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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