he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
