I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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