i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
