is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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