So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
