No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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