I got chris browned last night
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
