I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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