I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
