Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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